Live Bogging the State of the Union Address by President Lame…Duck…

Here I am multitasking with my laptop. C-Span is up and I’m ready to deliver give a blow-by-blow description on this years State of the Union.

5:50 PST: Our elected representatives cool their heels waiting for George W. Bush to start quacking speaking. Pelosi looks charming and svelte in her Armani tailored in a lovely shade of turquoise. Tonight she will be the very first woman to ever sit on the dais during a State of the Union speech. and to think it only took 225 years. I am sure Mr. Bush would call that ‘progressin’ just asI am sure he will maintain that we are ‘progressin’ in The MeatGrinder Iraq.

5:59 PST: The committee to escort The Cretin-in-Chief President have been appointed and have left the chamber to drag escort the President to thegallows dias.

6:01 PST: Outbreak of mysterious clapping.

6:03 PST: The President’s cabal cabinet is introduced. More pointless clapping. Republicans are most likely practicing for the big ‘surge’ demo they have planned.

6:04 PST: I have to take a leak, this live blogging is sorta boring so far.

6:10 PST: Back now. Chamber is pretty crowded. I would imagine this is a hot ticket. You know, see The Chimp smear feces all over himself and pretend everything is great.

6:11 PST: Here he is! Looking perky, smiling, shaking hands.

6:12 PST: On the podium now and the crowd goes wild. Cheering, footstomping, yeah….

6:13 PST: Pelosi introducing him.

6:14 PST: He says thanks and replies that he has the great honor of being the first President to be introduced by Madame Speaker. Nice.

6:16 PST: He congratulates the Democratic majority.

6:16 PST: Uh…oh…talking about what ‘we’ are ‘called upon’ to do.

6:17 PST: Yep, us citizens don’t care which side of the aisle we sit on. Really, coulda fooled me.

6:18 PST: Economy is on the move…jes like alway right George. Whoa! ‘We must balance the federal budget…..without raising taxes. ReThugs go
fucking wild. More bullshit: ‘I will introduce spending legislation which will cut the deficit in half by two years after I am gone. Which might be sooner than you think.

6:20 PST: More half-cuts…We must cut ‘earmarks’ in half. Ya think? Why not cut them out.

6:22 PST: We must come together to eviscerate fix Social Security.

6:23 PST: Private Health Insurance is the best way to meet their needs. Ha, good one you tool of Big Pharma, HMOs and the insurance companies

6:25 PST: ‘Changing the tax code is a vital and necessary step to line the pockets of my base help provide health insurance for all Americans.

6:26 PST: Blah, yadda, yadda, medical liability reform, HSAs yadda and yadda…more bullshit. Here it is: ‘We must remember that patients and
doctors are the ones who should be making decisions about their healthcare.’ Delusional fucktard…the insurance companies decide if you have any health insurance in the first place!

6:29 PST: ‘Comprehensive immigration reform…’ I luvs me some meskins!

6:30 PST: ‘Alternative power…’ Nocular, Nocular, Nocular…Corn, Corn, Corn…. Market forces.

6:31 PST: ‘Les reduce gas usage by 20% in the next twenty years.’ How…beats the shit out of me! Conserve! Conserve!

6:33 PST: But of course we must continue to kill, kill, kill.

6:35 PST: 9/11, 9/11, 9/11 Tehhahists still coming. Please don’t look back at all my fuckups. Keep yer eyes on our fight in the MeatGrinder.
Kill, kill, kill! We whippin’ they ass.

6:36 PST: ‘We saved LA!’ The British We saved us from an Al-Qaueda attack last year!

6:38 PST: ‘I am a war President! Al Qaueda is bad, bad, bad! Me good. Me protect you. Some want us to retreat…. Zarqawi sez: Booga-booga we
gonna git ya!

6:40 PST: All Muslims want to kill you. I must wiretap your calls to granny’s house to preserve my dictatorship our democracy.

6:42 PST: 9/11, 9/11, 9/11!

6:43 PST: The Iraqi’s voted.

6:44 PST: Taliban trying to come back. In Iraq Sunni and Shia, they both the same kind of Tehhahists, the citizens of those countries insurgents continue to thwart my plans to control Iraq’s oil slaughter hundreds of thousands of Iraqis bring Peace on Earth.

6:46 PST: I am sending more Marines and Army to both countries to impose my will to kill, kill, kill, kill and kill some more, until these stinking RagHeads understand that you cain’t fuck with me, bring democracy to the Middle East.

6:49 PST: Nothing is more important to America than that my stupid, idiotic blunder in Iraq be proven to be the right thing to do no matter how many die no matter how long it takes you support the troops.

6:52 PST: 9/11, 9/11, 9/11

6:53 PST: Les form a private army of mercenaries!

6:54 PST: We need a bigger Army!

6:54 PST: Iran, North Korea, Cuba all bad, bad, bad!

6:55 PST: We git to take whatever we want from whomever we want because we are Americans and we are good…good…good.

6:56 PST: Long string of lies about how we are gonna hep sick nigras in Africa.

6:57 PST: Americans are great, kind generous. We are good!

6:57 PST: Hey look up in the gallery a ‘Son of the Congo’. Dat dude be in the NBA! America be a great place where any 7′ tall black can be a
millionaire! America is Great! Yay!

7:00 PST: Look at the folks my staff packed the gallery with. They American Heroes! I am jes like them. I am a Hero!

7:01 PST: Look at that kid up there he got the Silver Star fer killin’ ragheads. Ain’t that a great thing!

7:03 PST: America is Great, Great, Great! I am preznint therefore I am Great, Great, Great!

Well, what the fuck happened to the Decider. The pugnacious, swaggering bully who knows what’s best for America and the world? Guess he finally figured out it’s freezing out there.


One Response to Live Bogging the State of the Union Address by President Lame…Duck…

  1. tekstone says:

    Very insightful and astute analysis, Citizen! 😉

    I was thinking the same thing when he suggested cutting earmaks “in half”… why not just eliminate them altogether?!

    They gotta wean themselves of the teat of the American taxpayer slowly I guess.

    I also noticed the big bone he threw to Big Pharma and Insurance. Eliminating malpractice suits against doctors does more to help insurance companies than it does to make health care ‘more affordable.’

    Good job, A.C.!

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